Lyrics

I told myself this time it was gonna be different
I rehearsed the smile
I staged the light
Opened the curtains like that would change the world
But the room did not breathe back
The quiet settled in like…

I told myself this time it was gonna be different
I rehearsed the smile
I staged the light
Opened the curtains like that would change the world
But the room did not breathe back
The quiet settled in like mould

Woke up weightless
One breath
Basic
Thought I’d cracked the code
Like sleep cleaned the slate
And routine rewired the hatred
Brushed my teeth
Drank water
Stood still long enough to fake it
The sun didn't stab like it used to
I called that a win
Wore the lie like a skin
Thought, “Maybe this time I’ll make it”
But that feeling?
It’s a liar in clean clothes
Serotonin on credit
A ghost in the guest room quietly waiting
To turn the gas on the second I let it
It hums like static behind the paint
A faulty wire with a patient faith
Won’t scream
Won’t beg
Just waits for me to stop pretending it’s fixed

Leave rooms with no doors
(Vanish in plain sight)
Fold myself smaller
(Carry the weight)
Hope needs no license
(Rebounds uninvited)
Waiting, whispering…

Hope is a hell of a drug
And I keep relapsing, because
Hope is a hell of a drug
Every breath, a bad reaction
I'll build it back through grinding teeth
Swear this time I’ll outlast it
But hope is a hell of a drug
And I’m still crashing

Cut the caffeine
Cut the liquor
Cut the noise and the neon triggers
Tried silence
Tried walking it off
Tried burning the journals and starting from scratch
I told her that I was fine in three different languages
And none of them were true
I wore the smile like a seatbelt
Tight enough to bruise
Just loose enough to pass inspection
I’ve buried myself in to-do lists
Stacked habits like bricks
Like I could build a house and lock the dark out
But the dark has keys
And it doesn’t knock
Even on good days
I can’t tell comfort from camouflage
And every mirror says, “You’re better, man”
But every mirror lies
And I’m fluent in lies

The quiet has layers
(Now absence waits)
A stillness watches on
(It knows how it ends)
Peace feels suspicious now
(Bait’s wrapped in sugar)
Waiting, whispering…

Hope is a hell of a drug
And I keep relapsing, because
Hope is a hell of a drug
Every breath, a bad reaction
I'll build it back through grinding teeth
Swear this time I’ll outlast it
But hope is a hell of a drug
And I’m still crashing

I told myself this time it was gonna be different
I rehearsed the smile
I staged the light
Opened the curtains like that would change the world
But the room did not breathe back
The quiet settled in like mould...

I used to climb because I believed in the light or the myth of a summit
Now I climb because gravity doesn’t ask, and falling hurts louder than silence
But it’s a long drop from “almost better”, and my hands don’t trust the rope
And my voice forgets the script every single time

Climb the rope
Climb the rope
Before gravity gets you
Climb the rope
Climb the rope
But don’t look down
Climb the rope
Climb the rope
Darkness’ll consume you
Climb the rope
Climb the rope
Climb the rope!

Hope is a hell of a drug
And I keep relapsing, because
Hope is a hell of a drug
Every breath, a bad reaction
I'll build it back through grinding teeth
Swear this time I’ll outlast it
But hope is a hell of a drug
And I’m still crashing

Climb the rope
Climb the rope
Before gravity gets you
Climb the rope
Climb the rope
Climb the rope!